Sleepless Nights

At this point in my short motherhood career, the only time my sleep is truly interrupted is when P is teething or is sick. I know, I know, I should count my blessings, right? Well, I have been having some problems lately getting to sleep. It seems like it comes in cycles. I can go for a couple of months without having trouble falling asleep and then I will go a couple of months lying in bed wishing I was asleep.

I know deep down it has a lot to do with anxiety. Now, during the day, unless something crazy is going on, my anxiety levels are very low; especially since I am a stay-at-home mother and if I don't feel like dealing with people, I don't. But at night? It seems to rise to levels that I am not comfortable with, in turn causing lack of sleep.

Sometimes turning on an old tv show that I used to watch as a teen like Rosanne or Golden Girls, I feel calm and am able to sleep. (My poor husband has seen every episode of the Golden Girls and I think he is traumatized.) But do you think any of these shows are playing? Well, there not. I can't find anything worth falling asleep to. So my problems persists.

Last night, the baby was sleeping and so was the hubs. The house was quite (besides the tv) and I couldn't sleep. Now, here is an interesting thing that I don't quite get: If my husband and I are laying in bed, and he is awake watching tv, I will sleep like a baby. Weird, huh?

Anyway, I was lying in bed last night until 1:30a.m. and P woke up at 6:30. Sometimes nights like these don't effect me the next day. I usually just chug a pot of coffee and I am good to go. But I think since this has been happening all week, it is catching up with me.

I have been dragging all day. When I took P into her room to play with her toys, I found myself lying on the floor, halfway asleep, as she was tossing her books all over the room. She has a ton of books, folks.

Now it is evening and my husband and I were planning on taking P into our community center to swim but I am just way too tired. I feel pretty bad; like I should suck it up and go. I just can't bring myself to get us all ready to go out into the cold to go swimming. If I was supermom I could? But, that I am not.

Well, hopefully tonight I will be able to sleep. I just have this funny feeling that when I lay my head down on my pillow, my eyes will be wide awake.

I sure hope not!